My Auntie Hemorrhage-Teeth wuz explaynin commershal immigration 2 me de otha day. at 1st i wuz all vexd bcuz i thought it ment dat sum next bredren from sum mug country wuz tryna bogart my job at de goat factory (famly-owned sinc 1902), but deyn when auntie explayned it, i wuz like “oh cha” n changd my mind. Dis is why:
apprently, unBknownst to 99.3% of de populus, commershal immigration isnt wut ppl think it is. As oppozed 2 incentivizing foreign ppl 2 com herr by makin dem pay pure dollaz, its actully de practice of hiring old tv ads from de 80s n 90s 2 perform 1-time low-level labour jobz dat bermy guyz duneen want neWayz. 4 exampl, lets say deres some lazy bedren who has a MOSSIVE bashment up his yard, then wakes up all hungova de next day n is like “FEP DUN, MY HOUSE IS DIRTY AS JOOKS, I DUNEEN WUNT 2 CLEAN IT UP”. Wif commershal immigration, yaboy could jus call up de “This Is Your Brain On Drugs” commershal on his cell n be like “AY BULLY, come 2 bermy n clean my yard, pleez”. Since commershals r non-tangible entiteez, most of deym can eazily make from stateside 2 bermy in like shree nanoseconds (except for de “Where’s The Beef” commershal, which tragicly died of an acute mugness infecshun in 2002), n dey LOVE working manual labr. Wut um tryin 2 say is dat we shuldnt b quick 2 judge a concept wifout truly understandin wut it meanz.
N.E. WAYZ, my 3rd cousin Pump-Shildra wuz tellin me de otha day dat de premier has secrtly created a new govermint ministry 2 prepear 4 d even2ual legalization of herb. Apparntly yaboy hired a bedren from shelley bay named Kloopy “Street Corn” Burrows 2 be de first ever Minister Of Getting Charged As Chooks at a base salary of 500,000 jars of stagnant water per annum (Kloopy aink 2 bright, but chaboy knowz policy like d back of a grenny’s hand). In a televishin interview, Pubic Safety Minster Grichael Chunkley hailed de creashin of de new ministry as a “landmark step for boasty bredrens, sistrens and feral goats everywhere”
Remembur, not errything is wut it seemz. only shru a combinashin of criticl analysis, self-reflection and boasty auntiez can de truth rlly b revealed. And alwayz remembur 2 put expired corn curls between ya toez erry sunday at 3pm. safe!
“Once Bernews’ most thought-provoking commentator, Clafe took a hiatus from punditry in late 2011, nah ya boys back, spending 2012-2013 in Kabul, Afghanistan selling moldy sponges to feral children at a 700% markup. Following a brutal accident where the frontal lobe of his brain was replaced with a bag of corn curls, he returned to Bermuda to rekindle his passion: Spreading the hidden truths that no one wants to hear.”